How'd you like to replace Jeremy Clarkson on 'The Grand Tour'?

We totally don’t remember how we found this. It was probably on Twitter or something, that’s right, Twitter. We’re totally not looking for other jobs. Autoblog is wonderful, and Mr. Migliore is a swell guy, great boss, treated us to doughnuts last Wednesday before jetting off to Pebble Beach. We couldn’t be more gruntled.

Nevertheless, as it turns out, Amazon Jobs has a listing for “TV HOST Temporary” to “cover an absence due to pneumonia … Successful applicant will join a long-established team of variously sized co-hosts and possess a strong knowledge of cars, metaphors and progressive rock music.”

In other words, how’d you like to co-host “The Grand Tour” with Richard Hammond and James May while Jeremy Clarkson recovers from pneumonia? Admittedly, many of the job qualifications may be a wee bit difficult for potential applicants. For instance, a basic requirement is for at least 6.5 million followers on Twitter or a similar social media network. So, if let’s say Associate Editor Reese Counts wanted to apply, he’d need to wrestle up at least 6,499,778 followers in the next few hours. Seems doable, though he’d probably be a closer aesthetic replacement for Rutledge Wood.

Speaking of which, “Preference will be given to especially tall candidates with curly hair.” Funny, I just happen to have an appointment to get a perm this afternoon.

We’ll just go ahead and post the entire listing below because it’s quite humorous. (And the fact that it’s on Amazon’s actual career site is gold.) Enjoy.

TV HOST Temporary

DESCRIPTION

Amazon Prime Video is seeking a host for an original TV series to be seen around the world.

Currently, this is a temporary position to cover an absence due to pneumonia.

The successful applicant will join a long-established team of variously sized co-hosts and possess a strong knowledge of cars, metaphors and progressive rock music.

This host will have a proven track record in effectively dealing with colleagues that they find annoying and being lost in unknown locations. They must be entertaining, engaging and willing to pause before delivering the final word or words of some sentences.

Please note: Preference will be given to especially tall candidates with curly hair.

RESPONSIBILITIES

· This role will work closely with the existing hosts, with duties including (but not limited to) accidentally setting things on fire, handling heavy machinery (badly) and being able to bloody-mindedly argue a point that no one will ever agree.

· Driving the world’s fastest and most exciting cars while talking to camera. Ability to do this without crashing would be considered an advantage, but not essential (apparently).

BASIC QUALIFICATIONS

· Valid driver’s license.

· British English including advanced qualification in exaggeration and braggadocio.

· At least 6.5+ million followers on Twitter or similar social media network

PREFERRED QUALIFICATIONS

· The successful applicant will be required to wear vast amounts of pre-washed denim (attire provided in sizes that are slightly too small)

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